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Failure and Gentleness

For those of you who might have noticed…I did not post my BLOG on time this week. It is not that I didn’t have anything to say…just no time to write it. As the days slip by from last Wednesday at 12:34 am, the time I have posted all of my previous BLOGS, I have gotten increasingly hard on myself for breaking my ritual, my promise. It was my 2015 New Year’s Resolution, after all, to write them and to post them at the same time every week for the whole year. Now I have failed.

The failure to maintain the discipline of my resolution highlights tendencies in myself that perhaps some of you have felt too. You create a structure to help you maintain the practice of doing something you really love. It might be drawing, painting, writing. You promise yourself that for a period of time you will adhere to a schedule for this act. Perhaps through this structure you will build stamina and a body of work. 

Then, the structure breaks down. Maybe just temporarily, but suddenly you feel like now that the magic rhythm has been broken, the rules…then there are no rules anymore. The safety of the container has leaked and chaos feels like it may seep in and knock you off your saddle. And the biggest thing to undermine your momentum is the self-loathing that accompanies your failure. Failure to follow through, especially on something you love.

I don’t know where I learned to be so hard on myself. Why bother to post when my next scheduled BLOG post is only 36 hours away? But tonight, after a week of beating myself up for being too busy and to tired to follow through… I am going to post. I am going to post late. I am posting about not posting. I am going to try and practice some gentleness in light of my imperfection. Rather then highlighting my failure to maintain a discipline, I am going to forgive myself and move on. 

How about this... “Wow Amy, despite your very busy schedule, you have just passed the half-year mark of your resolution with close to 30 BLOGS posted. People read them and send you terrific comments. You have discovered a joy of writing and it really seems to be a platform for sharing your ideas about art, life and creativity. Keep up the good work!” 

When I look at it this way, this little hiccup doesn’t seem like such a derailment. So, for the second half of 2015, I’ll be writing weekly. Most weeks I’ll be posting Wednesdays at 12:34am. But sometimes, I will allow myself a little wiggle room. A new facet of my discipline will be learning not to be so hard on myself about a lack of precision. If I don’t post right on time, I will try not to slip into a mindset that will only take the wind out my own sails. 

Until next time, set motivational creative goals. When you can’t maintain them, try to be gentle with yourself. Don’t give up. Just resume your beloved practice with a fresh mind. CREATE.

Comments are welcome via email: amyelizabethwynne11@gmail.com or on my website www.amywynne.com where you can also scroll through previous posts. Enjoy and thanks for reading!